All right, everybody, hands up if you've ever found your server attractive. Good. Everyone put their hands down. Now, for those of you that have waited tables, hands up if you've ever wanted to get with a customer. Good, that's everyone again.
Now, who has actually made it happen?
Its a tricky equation. The balance of power is off, and not too many people dine alone, so you've got friends, family and co-workers complicating things. I've been on both sides of the table, and I'm sorry to say that I don't have a magic formula. There really is no surefire way to make this work.
There are a few things that I know don't work, though. First thing that is guaranteed not to get you that server's number: asking if you can take them "to go". This has happened to me. I was working in an Indian Restaurant, during my college years, and an elderly gentlemen, who was hooked up to an oxygen tank was dining with us. I wasn't waiting on him, but it was a small restaurant, so I was present, and very capable of overhearing, when his server asked him if there was anything else he could bring him, and he pointed at me and said, "put her in a box, I want to take her home."
Another thing that doesn't work: little hand written notes. This is a weird one, you'd think that written communication would be subtle and solve the whole 'other people dining with me' dilemma. But I have never seen note passing go well. For one thing, its not subtle. I know this because, while I have never received one of these notes personally, I have read a couple that were given to other servers at restaurants where I worked. For another, they seem to be the method of people who haven't taken the time to lay a little ground work, do a little flirting, ascertain if the server they have their eye on is even available. Both the notes that I read were given to servers who were in serious relationships.
If you simply must communicate your interest in writing, use the check. This doesn't work very often, but, unlike the handwritten notes, which are just creepy, writing your number on the check is kind of cute. I don't know why. It also has the advantage of working both ways. Once when I was visiting a friend in North Carolina, we had our server write his name and number in our check. We were both eighteen, and only in town for the night, and had no idea which one of us the number was intended for, but it was thrilling non the less. Writing your number on the check is not likely to get you results, but it probably won't get you laughed at. So, if you have a good base of flirting, and your not a regular at the establishment, its worth a shot. Servers sometimes flirt because they find you attractive, then again, sometimes it's just to get your money.
The best way to secure a date with a server, is the same as the best way to secure a date with anyone. Just Ask. Be polite, be direct, be a little bit charming if you're any good at it, and ask them out already. I have only been on one date with a customer, and it was because he asked me directly, and I like to reward that kind of thing, provided I'm single, and don't find the person asking repulsive.
Of course I made a mistake with accepting that date, so here's a follow up tip: If you manage to secure a date with a server, don't go to the restaurant where they work the next day and leave a two page handwritten letter for them detailing your hopes and dreams for your future together. Just text them and say you had a nice time. The boy I went on the date with was British, and in town for a convention, and staying in the hotel where my restaurant was located. He may also have been mentally unbalanced.
The date was just fine. We walked around, had dinner, talked about the usual first date stuff. I let him kiss me, then I went home. Then next day at work, the hostess gives me this letter. It is filled with lines like;
"I was the happiest I have been in ages when I was with you tonight, I never wanted it to end!"
"The way you made me feel tonight has made me even think about different things like maybe staying here for longer so I could see you again, or even staying here completely."
"I would do anything to see you again, absolutely anything in the world!"
"Do you believe in things like being attracted to and wanting to be with someone after just one time?"
He signed off "I love you and will never forget you!!" and included his email, phone, and room number.
I did not take advantage of any of them, instead I returned to the restaurant where we'd had dinner, and left a tip for the server, something I'd noticed he'd failed to do the night before.
Which brings me to my final point. If you manage to secure a date with a server, make sure you treat any restaurant staff you encounter on this date, very, very well.
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